Red Riding Hood – hard news story

BRIEF: The cadets are asked rewrite the classic Red Riding Hood folktale into a 250-300 word news story in 30 minutes. The cadets then sub-edit each other’s stories.

FIRST DRAFT:

SIHLE MANDA

The community of De Doorns, Cape Town, is still in shock after a farmworker mysteriously brought his niece back to life after being savaged by a wild animal.

On Saturday afternoon, Martin Francis, alarmed by the non-return of his 12-year-old niece, fondly known as Little Red Riding Hood because of her favourite hoodie she was always wearing. The girl had apparently earlier in the day gone to a local shop down the woods to get asprins for her sickly grandmother.

When Martins got the shop, having given a full description of his niece, learnt the girl had be seen and had been heading for the direction she had by. Alarms were, however, raised when two young boys came in rushing, visibly shaken.

“Those boys came in told their uncle, who runs the shop that they had branches ruffle in the woods and had seen a pool of blood and a small white shoe. I panicked immediately, inspected the area for myself,” said martins, who then rushed home to get his sharpened axe.

Still visibly shaken, he said he then rushed back into the woods in hope of finding her favourite niece alive.

“I kept calling out her name, but there was no answer and then suddenly a loud growling sound came from behind and my first instinct was to wield the axe,” he said.

The sound been that of a lunging fox.

“Ripped opened, it lay there and beside it was my niece. She laid there

*story incomplete

SUBBED VERSION (SUBBED BY LERATO SIBANDA)

The community of De Doorns, Cape Town, is still in shock after a farmworker mysteriously brought his niece back to life after being savaged by a wild animal.

On Saturday afternoon, Martin Francis, alarmed by the non-return of his 12-year-old niece, fondly known as Little Red Riding Hood, because of the favourite hoodie she was always woreearing. The girl had apparently, earlier in the day, gone to a local shop down the woods to get aasprins for her sickly grandmother.

When Martins got to the shop, having given a full description of his niece,  he learnt the girl had been seen and washad been heading for the direction she had come by.by. Alarms were, however, raised when two young boys came in rushing, visibly shaken.

“Those boys came in, told their uncle, who runs the shop, that they heardhad branches ruffle in the woods and had seen a pool of blood and a small white shoe. I panicked immediately, inspected the area for myself,” said Mmartins, who then rushed home to get his sharpened axe.

Still visibly shaken, he said he then rushed back into the woods in hope of finding her favourite niece alive.

“I kept calling out her name, but there was no answer and then suddenly a loud growling sound came from behind me . and Mmy first instinct was to wield the axe,” he said.

The sound  had been that of a lunging fox.

“Ripped opened, it lay there and beside it was my niece. She laid there.”

MY (LERATO) COMMENT:

Well thought out angle. I enjoyed the narrative style. Remember, it’s important to double-check all names in your story i.e. Martin cannot suddenly become Martins. With longer sentences include commas where you can for easy read

RESPONSE: Well spotted. With regards to the errors, most of which are embarrassing, I was working under extreme pressure and didn’t get the chance to go over my (very rough) draft.

SUMMARY: A girl, 12, was mysteriously brought back to life by his axe wielding uncle after being mauled by a fox in the woods of De Doorns on Saturday.

 

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